Featured Poet: Cindy Steward

WE RECENTLY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO INTERVIEW Cindy Steward ABOUT HER DEBUT BOOK Memoria of a Heart: A Journey through Depression, Grief and Toxic Relationships AND her APPROACH TO POETRY.

Congratulations on publishing your debut book Memoria of a Heart: A Journey through Depression, Grief and Toxic Relationships! What inspired you to write this book?

This book feels like it describes my writing journey until now. Hence the title: Memoria of a Heart. Writing has been my way of coping with my emotions and crazy thoughts that jump in any direction whenever they feel like it. I was in a bad shape the past two years. Insecurities, anxiety, self-hatred… When I met a certain person that showed me some actual care, I dived into it. It left me scarred, pained and scared. I couldn’t let go, and being cut off hurt incredibly much. Talking has never been something I was good at. Writing felt natural, though. I wrote what I felt, late at night, early in the morning, or at the most random moments on my phone. Healing from such a toxic environment and learning to love yourself, knowing no one else will do it for you, is hard.

This collection of poetry basically describes my coping and my writing; how it evolved from the start to the end, but also how I felt, how I worked through the pain and healed from a wound that was ripping me apart. That way I also hope to show that people aren’t alone in their hurting. There are tons of people that can’t seem to feel anything positive, or sometimes even anything at all. There are tons of people that struggle with depression and it’s not weird relationships and emotional connection can play a role in that. It’s not “fake” to feel that way, even when you’re young. It’s important to remember you can feel that way, and you can heal from it. My book is a bundle of me coping with myself, with learning to love myself over anyone else, and with me convincing myself there is a future to look forward to.

How did you come to publishing your book?

Only after finishing most poems that are now in the bundle, I got the idea to officially publish. At the time, I volunteered at a charity foundation that focused on the talents of youths. We created a space for students and adolescents to follow courses and develop their skills and interests. Alongside, it was a place to meet new people, to talk with others, and seek help if needed. This inspired me to share my work and my projects. My supervisor got excited and told me to do more with it. Before that conversation, it was just a dream of mine to have my name on a book. This organization and the people there made me realize it was a dream that was also very achievable. So I thought why not? and went through old work, edited, compiled, and created what is now my debut book! Of course with some technical and official business proposals with a publishing house in between. It might not be a ground-breaking story, but I am proud of how much I achieved and what I have learnt about the publishing industry. It is also a field I would love to proceed in.

Can you describe your creative process?

My creative process is a complete mess. I can go through months without writing anything, and periods of continuous writing and planning. I usually write when I feel like I need to. A persistent thought that I cannot get out of my mind, or an immense feeling that bothers me; I focus on a certain thing and firstly write whatever comes to mind. Then I edit, add or delete. As long as it feels natural! To describe a specific process would be hard because there is none. Poetry and writing in general depend on the topic, for me. Of course, I enjoy experimenting with different styles and perspectives, which allows for the creation of very different poems. I have a notes folder with a bunch of different topic ideas or phrases I think I could do more with. In the case of experimenting or a lack of inspiration, I turn to that folder and use whatever feels right at that moment. I think that sums it up best!

What does your workspace look like?

Either messy or tidy; there is no in-between! It depends on the day, to be honest. It is either very messy or as clean as it can be. I enjoy cleaning when my mind feels like a mess. I have a ton of notebooks and I love collecting pens that write comfortably.

I recently moved out, and I currently live in my studio. I clean whenever I feel like it or when I feel like I need more order in my head. Next to the mess I make while studying for exams, when I write I use a lot of post-its, so it’s inclined to become all messy. Next to that, I don’t always work at my desk. I sometimes write in bed, on the couch, in the kitchen… Whenever inspiration strikes.

What is your motivation for writing?

I genuinely enjoy writing. I write for myself and this has always been the thing that has brought me back to writing. I joined an online community on discord that also stimulates me to write. We do writing sprints together, brainstorm, and critique each other’s work. Something about being part of a community full of passionate writers is extremely motivating, and, most importantly, allows for developing one’s skills. It is also a lot of fun! It makes me want to write so I can share it with the others. Joining the writing Instagram community also worked motivating for me. Sharing my work and having others tell me what they think, improving more everyday… It is exciting and led to meeting new people and gaining new opportunities.

How did you become a poet?

I believe I became a poet long ago when I started writing poetry. I don’t think I’m qualified to define what a poet is, but I believe that whoever writes poetry passionately becomes a poet. When I was younger, I enjoyed writing random stories. I used to spent my free time at school and after school to writing a bundle of stories, and at some point, I followed this course at my primary school about poetry. That’s when I started writing poetry frequently, while simultaneously writing stories and books on Wattpad. This was ages ago, but it made me realize the place writing has for me in life. Now I can’t imagine not writing at all or never having written to begin with, with the countless notebooks scattered around my home.

Has the coronavirus pandemic changed how you approach your craft?

It most certainly gave me a lot of free time to write more. That’s also why I started my Instagram page, to fill my time. In the Netherlands, here, we entered a partial lockdown firstly, and later in the year, we went into full lockdown. It allowed me to write more and to evaluate my writing capacities. Even though I have a lot to learn, I feel like the pandemic allowed me to grow a lot in my writing. It is also when I joined the online community I mentioned previously. I’ve had a lot of interesting conversations with different individuals who have certainly affected me.

What does literary success look like to you?

Writing happily and publishing a book worldwide, creating a brand for oneself. I guess that’s also the most usual definition of literary success, but it is what I aim to achieve for myself. I want to pursue more than one career in my life, of which the publishing industry is one I hold dear. I want to write more books, publish a new book, and maybe join the other side of the publishing world as well. I am not sure if I’ll get there, but I certainly hope so! Achieving that would mean I succeeded splendidly.

What are you looking forward to?

Mostly to what this new year will entail. Even though the pandemic derailed most events in my life, and of course of many others, a lot of good things have grown from it as well. I feel like I’ve grown as a person, a writer, an academic students… I’ve made a lot of decisions and invested a lot of time in different projects. I am also looking forward to finishing my second book and researching new publishing opportunities! Although writing is the most fun, I weirdly enjoy gathering such information. I learnt a lot from this first experience, mostly of the Dutch publishing world, but I feel like there is so much I don’t know yet. I am also looking forward to when the pandemic is over and meeting people I’ve met in the community.